A Ghost Walks into a Bar
by Allosaurus.Jei
Summary: Rated M for lots o' swears. The Ghost Princess is looking for a certain someone. A certain green someone.


A Ghost Walks into a Bar

* * *

Heads turned in dark fascination to watch the spectacle that had appeared in their sleazy town here at the arse end of the Grand Line. More than half of the residents had never seen clothes as fine as those draped over the alabaster frame of the young lass determinedly marching through the main street. The ostentatious floppy hat perched upon a mass of sakura-pink ringlets, the heavily corseted dress pushing against two white globes drawing the eye of almost every man (and more than a few women) and the long black boots accentuating the shapely legs mostly hiding beneath the frilly skirts all bundled underneath an ornate red parasol and topped with a haughty expression that made it very clear; this was _not_ a woman who could be stopped by the average street hawker and certainly none found the courage to even try. The two semi-transparent ghosts hovering around her and softly giggling did not encourage matters in that regard either.  
Her large doll-like eyes did not move from her intended destination at the end of the market strip - the ramshackle looking pub from which spilled a slightly jaunty tune alongside what were likely copiously drunken cheers. She giggled softly to herself, her two hollow companions echoing her, before setting forward at a slightly faster pace. As her thick-soled heels hit the wooden steps leading to the door she closed the sunshade in a flash and used it to manoeuvre a stumbling drunk from her path before pushing the doors open with as much force as she could summon.  
The entire pub turned to stare at her and all the inebriated conversation hushed for a moment. Every inhabitant of this murky drinking hole bar one stared at her and watched as she grinned, spotting her green-haired quarry very pointedly trying to ignore her. She took a deep breath which caused some of the closer drunks' cheeks to redden even further.  
"Roronoa Zoro!" His eyebrow twitched at the grating voice he had not heard in months, but unfortunately (is what he told himself) could never forget. He heard her heavy clanking footsteps begin the journey and wondered at how she always managed to inspire such silences whenever she showed up somewhere. _It's probably the hats_ , he decided. He'd yet to meet someone so effortlessly gaudy as the Ghost Princess. One of her hollows floated around him and snickered at his face. _Great! This isn't going to be annoying as shit_. He sighed and closed his eye just as the pink-haired woman settled herself atop the bar stool to his right.  
"What do _you_ want?" he said, trying to insert as much vitriol into his question without pissing her off to the point where she'd feel obliged to use her intangible annoyances on him.  
"Horohoro, aren't you cheerful today." He turned to look at her face and saw a very satisfied smirk plastered across her face. _That's never good for me_. She ignored his subsequent glare and perused the menu behind the bar. "Barkeep-san!" she called out in that nasally-too-cute manner that she knew itched at his nerves.  
The heavily moustachioed man serving the drinks looked her way and flicked the towel he was using to wipe his taps free of dried foam over his shoulder and ambled over. "Wot can I do fer ya, missy?"  
She gave him a sickly sweet grin which managed to simultaneously make her look ten years younger than Zoro knew she actually was and cause the proprietor to blush and return the smile. "I'd like some of your very best wine, and pretty please, **fill it to the brim**." The very last part of that order was given in a much huskier voice, indicating that she was in fact capable of downing that much alcohol with very little consequence and would be terribly offended if one insinuated otherwise.  
The barkeep's face fell a little. "Ah, 'm real sorry, we don' have wine here. None can affor' to drink it ya see."  
Perona frowned for a moment, her porcelain face scrunching up in a way that had the 22-year old swordsman clasping his drink just in case she decided to chuck a ghost-laden fit here in the only decent drinking spot he'd been able to find in this confusing town. Evidently however she was in a very good mood today for whatever reason because she just shrugged and smiled that pearly smile once more. "Then I will take your sweetest, fruitiest and most colourful drink. And," here she laid two 1000 Berri notes on the beer mat in front of her, "keep them coming."  
There was a twinkle in the older man's eyes as he scooped up the cash. "As ya wish, Luv. One Double-Yeller Spritzer comin' up."  
As he walked down the other end of the bar to assemble a drink Zoro simply assumed he'd probably never managed to sell to his usual crowd, Perona turned towards the young man she'd come to find and hummed in a way that immediately made him suspicious. _What the hell does the witch want this time?_ He narrowed his good eye and she giggled in response.  
"Relax," she leant her parasol against the bar before catching her chin in one hand. "I'm not here to irritate you." Zoro downed his remaining firewater.  
"You mean you're not here _solely_ to irritate me." He clarified with a sigh, expelling the slight burning sensation in his throat.  
"Horohorohorohorohoro!" her spine-chilling laugh managed to halt the conversations that had started up again behind them for a brief moment. "Sure. Lets go with that one, horohoro." She chuckled into her hand and for a moment he forgot himself and became entranced by her delicate lips against her dainty knuckles. Catching his mistake before her attention turned back to him he sighed once again and raised his glass in the international sign for 'More poison here, thanks'. The hairy-lipped server must have caught it because he returned with a bottle of vaguely translucent liquid and a large curvy glass filled with two different kinds of yellow swirled together to create something so sweet Zoro could smell it even before he sat it down in front of the two twenty-somethings.  
The pink-haired creature next to him cooed in delight at the 'adorable' little umbrella and the curly straw rising out of the nectar-like contents. He shook his head and held his tumbler out to catch the cheap but strong booze and threw a few coins onto the bar to pay for the next few glasses before taking a swig. It tasted like tequila's unwanted cousin and set his throat aflame but the buzz it provided was well worth the shitty aftertaste. He smacked his lips and watched as his mostly unwanted drinking companion took her first eager sip of the concoction before her…  
Her dark eyes glittered and her cheeks flushed with a pink that nearly beat her hair for colour. "This. Is. AMAZING!" she announced to the world at large. This time there was no corresponding hush, the other patrons having clearly worked out she was just one of those generally noisy people. "Oh my god! Zoro! Try this!" she demanded, pushing it his way before turning to the man standing behind the bar with a very cheerful grin on his face. "What is this made of? It tastes a little bit like pineapples and something else I know I've had before but cannot for the life of me remember."  
The bartender chuckled. "Good guess on the pineapple. Itza secret recipe ya know, so's I can' tell ya all of it." Zoro dipped a finger into the syrupy drink and stuck it in his mouth, where he was very pleasantly surprised by the result. _This is almost as good as the Cook's drinks_. "But itza got coconut rum, me lady's 'omemade pineapple syrup an' a secret family recipe for _lick-her_ made o' pawpaws an' jomunga nuts."  
" _Jomunga nuts_?" Zoro and Perona asked at the same time. He cringed when she grinned at him as her two hollows echoed them.  
"Local nut." He pointed at a bowl filled with salted kernels sitting on the bar. "Pretty tasty when they're cooked but e'en tastier brew'd up inta hooch if'm I do say so meself." The pinkette gave him an expectant look, deciding it wasn't worth the pain in his arse to ignore her he supplied his opinion to the man.  
"Yeah it's pretty good Ossan," he took another sip of the vaguely defined spirit in his own glass, more in the mood for fire and shite than sweetness and light at that moment. "Might have to try it 'fore we leave."  
"Ah well, itza nice of ya to say so there son. Nobody 'round these parts e'er wants to give it a try. ' _Too girly!_ ' an' other nonsense like tha'." He punctuated his impression of the locals with an accent and some hand-waving that would be offensive in brighter, queerer sectors of the Grand Line.  
"Don't you listen to them," the young woman stood on the rungs of her stool, temporarily towering over her green-haired acquaintance. _Oh hell, her eyes have gone all glittery again._ "When they try to bring you down you raise your head and keep going strong!" She balled her fists beside her chest and her hollows moved to mimic their progenitor. "You've made an excellent beverage Barkeep-san! Don't let them tell you otherwise!" _Otherwise! Otherwise!_ The ghosts echoed. She stuck one thumb out and Zoro smacked one hand against his face in exasperation. _Every damn time_. "Keep it up!" The bartender looked on with an open mouth, obviously a little shocked, and if the lull behind them was any indication so were all the other patrons.  
"Annoying," he muttered into his drink. She shot him a glare, always hating to be interrupted in the middle of one of her 'uplifting' spiels. He ignored her and drained his glass dry, holding it forward for another refill.  
The silence broke with the older man behind the bar breaking into a peal of laughter, pouring the green-haired young man another serving. "I'll do tha' missy. Hahaha, migh' e'en start experi-mentin' wit other drinks. Thank'ee," he left the bottle in front of Zoro and walked up the other end of the bar, presumably to regale some of his regulars and clean the taps once more. "Jus' give us a shout when ya need a new 'un." Perona just nodded briefly and clamped her lips on the straw once again, draining the glass to near half its volume in one long gulp. The two hollows put their 'hands' to their cheeks and moaned in tandem while her eyelids fluttered in a manner he found unbelievably distracting. Aware that the heat in his cheeks was not entirely due to inebriation he moved to remedy that by downing his glass once more, before filling it from the bottle the proprietor had generously left behind.  
They sat in demi-companionable silence for a while, slowly whittling away their alcoholic beverages, it was during the Ghost Princess' third glass and his second(?) bottle that he finally turned and asked a question that had been niggling away at the back of his mind.  
"How did you even find me here?" he said, one of his scarred green eyebrows raised in suspicion. "Thought you lost my Vivre Card." She scoffed and flicked the tiny yellow umbrella she'd been rolling between her fingers at him.  
"More like your Vivre Card lost itself," her teeth champed at the straw and a quarter of her fruity cocktail was slurped away. "It's not like it was hard, this place is straight up the main road from the harbour."  
"What?!" his voice evidenced his disbelief. "It took me three hours to find this place!"  
She gave him a look and sighed, sending another blush careening across his cheeks. "I am not surprised by that _at all_ … Baka"  
"Who're you calling 'Baka'?!" Anger started to rise to meet his embarrassment.  
"The baka sitting next to me is who I'm calling baka." She calmly replied, _Bakaa… Bakaa…_ The hollows spun about his head, teasing him. "Baka."  
"Tch!" he took a long pull at his glass of burning liquor before muttering back the only insult he knew would work. " _Hag_."  
Her reaction made him sneer, as she coughed and spluttered, cheeks turning bright red with fury. "W-w-what did you just call me?"  
"You heard me."  
They glared at each other before turning to drain their subsequent containers of poison. Zoro signalled for another round and laid two more B100 coins down to pay for the next bottle. The silence drew over them again as their drinks were replaced, the bartender and nearby patrons giving them curious and ever so slightly wary glances. Perona ignored them while he contemplated the various stares. He could tell most of the men's attention was focused on the attractive and _pristine_ , apparently rare in this town, woman next to him. However there were a few he recognised as bounty chasers or fellow pirates eyeing him in particular. _Damn, I was hoping to drink in peace too. Why'd she have to go and shout my name on her way in?_  
"I asked your crew where you went." She finally supplied once they were alone again. That surprised him a little. The Horo Horo no Mi Eater had met the Straw Hats a number of times, but most of them, while injury free, had not been what the swordsman would class as 'amicable' meetings. Something about the pinkette just rubbed most people the wrong way and she had absolutely zero respect for anyone younger than herself. Even if they happened to be the Pirate King.  
"Oh? How'd that go down?" he asked, taking a sip and watching her out the corner of his eye.  
She hummed and looked contemplative for a moment.

* * *

"Oi! Mugiwara!" She shouted up at the ridiculous brig moored in this derelict quarter of the harbour. "MUGIWARA!" Her voice reached its shrillest pitch before she clicked her teeth in impatience and floated up onto the deck. Her ghosts had already searched the ship for her quarry and found nothing, but she knew the other crew members had seen them. She chuckled a little at the look of mild panic that had crossed the long-nosed sniper's face. _Every time._ "Horohorohoro."  
"P-p-perona!" he shouted, his head popping out from the hatch in the lawn-deck. "What d'you want this time?"  
"I'm looking for the moron…"  
Usopp looked down and shouted into the belly of the ship, "LUFFY!"  
"Other moron."  
"Zoro isn't here," came the cool reply from the garden. Nami smiled at her from her higher perch. She smiled back, conscious of their tentative mutual distrust for one another.  
"Is that so." She watched as the dark-skinned young man in front of her was vaulted out of the hatch and a boyish raven-haired face popped up in his place. "Which way did he go?"  
The ginger-haired navigator pointed down the straight dock into town. "There's only one way to go from here," she sighed. "So who knows."  
"Did you call me Usopp?" Usopp peeled his face off the grass and smacked his captain around the back of his head, to no effect, before pointing a thumb in Perona's direction.  
"Ah, but she was looking for the other moron." Luffy peered owlishly at the pinkette.  
"Ahahaha, is Zoro lost again?" the rubber boy laughed for almost a full ten seconds before he turned to Usopp with an angry glare. "Aah! Did you just call me a moron?!" the two shipmates present just sighed and replied in tandem.  
"Notice that sooner."  
[ _It's very likely he went to find something to drink._ ] announced a voice from the heavens. All four of them looked up at the crow's nest where one Nico Robin was leaning out of one of the round room's windows with a Den Den Mushi receiver held near her face. [ _There's a bar 3 kilometres up the main street from here. Even Zoro couldn't have gotten too lost trying to find it. He did set out nearly four hours ago._ ]  
"You'd be surprised," the Ghost Princess replied in a low tone, not expecting the peal of amplified laughter that came in response.  
[ _Fufufu, you're probably right. Good luck_.] With that the older woman disappeared back inside and a tiny shower of petals dissolved from behind her. Perona heaved a sigh and adjusted her hat as the bright Summer sun peeked out from behind the clouds. She looked up at the younger woman who was giving her a look of mild sympathy.  
"What are the odds he's actually made it there?" She asked. The navigator shrugged.  
"10:1, depends if he actually managed to stay inside the city limits or not," then she waved before moving back towards the Mikan trees. "Have fun." Usopp and Luffy watched her pinch the bridge of her nose in frustration before she floated over the edge of the ship and began her hunt once again.  
"Sure… fun."

* * *

"…uneventful." She finally supplied. Zoro relaxed a little. Not that he thought she would actually have any reason to fight his crew, but he was well aware that likely only Usopp, Robin and maybe Luffy could actually hold their own against her in a serious battle. He was just a little relieved that it had not come to that. She must have noticed his relief because she smirked at him before turning back to her drink, while her two hollows did their best to mimic what seemed to be Nami (if the stumps pushing at the ghostly chest were any indication) and Usopp (the other one stretched its face somehow) with distressed expressions and limp bodies. He ignored the pesky things and resumed drinking.  
"So…" he drained his glass and turned towards her again and saw the ghosts continuing playing out their pretend game with the 27-year old woman giggling like a much younger girl at the sight. _Probably all the rum_ , he thought looking at her once again empty cocktail glass. He nodded up the bar for another. "Why're you looking for me?"  
"Thank you," she said to the bartender as he replaced her empty drink with another egregiously yellow beverage. The pinkette sucked back a third of her latest drink in a way that had him feeling just slightly too warm before whipping a piece of rough-looking paper out of nowhere, holding it deftly between her index and middle fingers and grinning at him. "This."  
"That?" Zoro swallowed hard. He had some idea what it was, having seen a great many Vivre Cards in the last three years but there was only one in particular that Perona would have access to that he would be curious about. "Is that…"  
"Oh yes." Her eyes shone and her smirk grew as she took note of his sudden interest in the conversation, thus she was ready when his hand reached out of its own accord at lightning speed. Just as quick she dodged his grab and shoved the paper into the depths of her rather plentiful bosom. He felt his ears glow red hot at the prospect of delving in there and he made for the bottle of swill instead, gulping a good third of it down to calm his nerves while she laughed at the sight of a flustered young man more eager for spilling blood than sticking his hands down an attractive woman's top. "Horohorohorohorohoro, oh Zoro," she paused to take a breath, "you're always good for a laugh."  
"Bitch," he hissed back at her before pouring the rest of the bottle into his glass, filling it to the brim. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves somewhat before getting to the point. "What's the catch?"  
"Hm?" She gave him an 'innocent' stare he knew was at least 80% bullshit while she played with her straw. He sighed.  
"What do you want in return for the card?"  
"Nothing," she replied rather frankly. She sipped at her drink a little more. "I was going to give it to you anyway…" His eyebrows followed his hopes and lifted. "…but if you're going to put it that way. Hmmm, what should I make you do?" Her expression was one he was very familiar with after spending most of his two years training as her part-time 'boy toy' as she put it. It shone with a slightly sadistic curiosity. He berated himself internally for putting the idea into her head.  
Their conversation was slightly halted by the sudden hush behind them following the doors of the tavern swinging back into place. _That never bodes well_ , it sounded like the resident 'small-town big-dick' had wandered in to either cause trouble or drink, probably in a loud and obnoxious manner. Zoro hoped for the latter option; he didn't feel like getting someone else's blood on his clothes today.  
"Ugh." The Ghost Princess intoned, clearly unimpressed by whatever she was seeing with her hollows' eyes. "In strolls tall, dark and ugly. I'm gonna need another drink to forget the sight of him."  
Curious, the green-haired swordsman turned slightly to inspect the pub's latest occupant with his eye. I see. The man was even uglier than Edward Weevil if such a thing were possible; his nose upturned like a pig while the rest of his face was somehow sallow and jowly at the same time, all on top of the nasty yellowish tone of his skin and his patchy facial hair. And he definitely couldn't call it anything other than facial hair; it was in no way qualified to be a _beard_. His buggy little eyes scanned the room and came to a halt when Perona came into view. Zoro felt something roil in his gut and took a longer draught of his foul booze.  
Ugly swaggered towards the pink-haired woman and smoothed back his hair in what he thought must have been a slick manner, unaware that his intended target was watching him and gagged a little at the manoeuvre. Something the young pirate noticed however was that all the other 'criminal scum' in the bar had very pointedly turned away and were pretending to ignore the scene. Weird, he thought and wondered if perhaps the man was some sort of reputed badass in local waters.  
"Hey beautiful," he said, voice full of confidence if a little gravelly. He slid in between the two drinking companions and Zoro felt his irritation spike. He kept a lid on it however because he could see his emotions mirrored in Perona's expression. "How 'bout ya ditch this nobody and come drink with me, huh?"  
"Horo Horo!" _That's a fake laugh_ , the swordsman thought smugly, turning away from the scene. She could handle a scumbag like this without his assistance. "Now why in the world would I want to do something like that."  
Ugly however seemed to think this was a play at being coy. "Well it ain't so much a 'want' as a ' _need_ '. I think you'll find it in your best interest to spend some time with the one and only Chatwin Dean, yeah?" Clearly he expected his name to make an impact. On any local girl it might have worked to terrify his intended prospect into submission - it was just too bad he picked a woman who was used to mouthing off at various legendary pirates, including more than a few former and current members of the Oka Shichibukai and the right-hand man of the current Pirate King.  
"Can't say I feel any burning ' _need_ ' as you put it, to spoil my day by spending it with you." She sipped at her drink before waving with her hand. "Now shoo. You're ruining my view." The two hollows stuck their tongues out at the man, which went unnoticed by the crook.  
"Yeheheheheheh," Dean laughed, apparently enjoying what he undoubtedly thought was flirting. Then he made the mistake every arrogant wannabe-womaniser makes right before they're soundly punished for their actions… He rubbed one of his hairy hands down Perona's back and grabbed her arse. "C'mon darlin'." He attempted to croon, "Promise ya won't regret it." Zoro saw her eyes bulge with fury right before a solid CRACK! echoed through the room. The pinkette's hand having swung round in a mighty slap which threw her assailant two steps back.  
" **Don't touch me!** " Her voice was deep and thrummed with authority. Goosebumps popped up all over the young swordsman's body, his body remembering the trauma that could be inflicted when that tone came barrelling out of the deceptively dainty creature next to him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the ghosts now looking slightly bigger and very _very_ unamused. Dean seemed to be the rather oblivious type however and his next words doomed him. He rubbed his cheek with a smile and reached out for her arm.  
"I like a girl with spirit-"  
" ** _NEGATIVE HOLLOW!_** "  
He had no time to even react as his knees buckled and dragged him to the floor, hands and face following until he was slumped before the Ghost Princess. "I-I-I-I'm scum… pure scum. I'm not fit to be a dog."  
Perona had her hollows exit the man and solidify slightly to drag his face up to meet the sole of her boot. " **No**." Her voice was still husky and cold. " **You're not. Dogs know their place in the world, _Dogs_ have _manners_. You're worse than scum** - **a shit not even fit to be stepped in**."  
"As you say mistress…" his voice trembled with the effort it took to even form words after having two hits of _Negative Hollow_ pass through one's body at once.  
She curled her lip in pure disgust and proceeded to kick him backwards so he lay spread-eagle on the floor. "Now as I said. Get lost, you're spoiling the mood." With that she turned back to her drink and forwent the straw in order to knock back the rest of her fruity drink. She cringed after finishing. "Barkeep-san! Something stronger for the next round please. I need to get the taste of _arsewipe_ out of my mouth."  
That comment came just as the depressing effects of her Devil Fruit were wearing off the aforementioned 'arsewipe'. "BITCH!" Chatwin Dean grit his teeth and smashed one Haki-coated fist into the floorboards, creating a small splintering crater. He leapt up, unaware of the fact that his target could see his every movement despite not looking at him and jabbed out, intending to kill the woman who'd insulted him. The look on his face indicated it came as quite a shock to him to find his black fist smothered by Zoro's tanned and immovable right hand.  
"Oi oi," he said with a humourless sneer. "Didn't you learn your lesson… small fry?"  
"Careful Zoro," the petite woman still turned from the scene heartlessly commented. "I'm not helping you clean up any corpses."  
Dean's eyes bulged in terror when he saw the face of the man restraining him. "Zoro?! The Pirate Hunter?!"  
Zoro laughed, but it didn't sound amused. More like the hollow cry of a demon readying itself for the evisceration of a lesser creature. "Heh heh heh…" It was toneless and he could feel the ugly man's will crumble, which became apparent as his Armament Haki faded from his fist. A small sharp twist sent the scumbag to his knees with a whimper. "How about you listen to the ' _bitch_ ' and leave." He fixed his eye on Dean and let his bloodlust wash over the man without restraint. "Now."  
The former tough fled the bar as fast as he could, screeching "Aniki!" as he did so. Aniki? He turned back to regard the still livid Perona. I hope that doesn't cause any more trouble. He stepped back into his seat and laid down one of his few B500 notes, he needed something a bit better in his throat now than shit-grade firewater. The pinkette was right, the taste of arsewipe was very off-putting.  
"Oi, Ossan," he said as the man mixed some clear and very alcoholic if the smell was any indication liquids into a bright red libation and garnished it with a slice of some vaguely citric fruit and a much smaller straw. "You got any booze that's stronger and nicer than what I've been drinking for the last couple 'a hours?"  
"Than tha' rotgu'? Only 'bout twen'y differ'n kinds." The man replied with a grin.  
"Great, two bottles of whatever that'll get me then." He pushed the note forward and there was a slightly cheeky glint in the man's eye as he picked it up and handed the young man two bottles of what looked like very overproof rum. "Oi-"  
"Take it son, as thanks fer gettin' rid o' Dean. Wet shite he is, always causin' a bloody ruckus 'ere." He nodded at the ruined floorboards. "Jus' look at wot the li'l fucker did this time." His eyes narrowed and his voice lowered so only they could hear him. "Did ya break his hand?"  
Zoro shrugged, he'd felt the bones creak but usually there was a solid snapping noise in his experience. "Maybe, wasn't giving him all that much attention."  
"Ahahahah!" the bartender let out an uproarious laugh and moved back to his regular post, "well jus' holler if'n ya need me. Yew an' ya lady can drink fer cheap the res' of the day, yeah. Hahaha." He chuckled some more as he wandered away before Zoro had a chance to correct him regarding his having a 'lady'.  
He sighed and noticed Perona smirking at him over her glass of red liquor, which was already only half full. The two ghosts still seemed a little testy though how he was able to tell was beyond him. _I must've picked it up after all these years_ , he thought to himself before inspecting the rum. _What a useless skill._ The alcohol in his hand was apparently %175 proof and carried a warning not to open anywhere near open flames.  
"So…" her voice was honeyed and high-pitched, something she obviously thought was her _sweet_ -er tone and there was clear undercurrent of humour in her question. "I'm your 'lady' now?"  
The young swordsman opened the bottle with a very audible crack. "When hell freezes over."  
"Horohorohoro," she took a sip through the straw and her hollows seemed to melt back into a relaxed and subsequently more annoying state. "Such an awful boy. Why did I even bother to rescue you again?"  
"You were lonely and sad," he replied, not missing a beat. Sniffing the top of the opened bottle instantly cleared his sinuses and probably caused his eye to go bloodshot in seconds. "Fuck me!"  
"Maybe later," she mumbled into her drink.  
"Did you say something?" He pretended to not hear her…  
"Nope." …and she pretended to play along and watched as he poured the pitch dark amber liquid into his glass, one of her hollows coming up through the bar to admire the vapours coming off the surface of the drink. He picked up the tumbler and set it against his lips, just a little apprehensive regarding a beverage this alcoholic… he was used to cheap swill, cheaper beer and the occasional fine sake or wine when they had treasure to spare and Nami was feeling thirsty. The ghost below started pulling faces at him and a quick glance to his side confirmed that the petite pinkette was doing nothing but staring blankly at him while steadily draining her glass.  
He tipped the glass back and actually moaned a little as the burning flowed down his throat. "Hoh…" he exhaled, unable to hold his breath in the face of this monster of a drink. "…damn!"  
"Too strong for you Zoro-kun?" the Ghost Princess teased.  
"Shut up," he wasn't particularly annoyed at her, _especially not with this magical fucking stuff. Who could be mad when rum like this is in front of them?_  
She faked a pout and her ghosts called him a _meanie weenie_ in that ethereal version of her voice before sticking their tongues out and pulling at their eyelids. _Do they even have eyelids?_ "You're so mean to me." She huffed. "You should be nicer to the woman who saved your life y'know?"  
"Maybe if the ' _woman who saved my life_ ' wasn't a pain who forced the person she saved to fulfill her every stupid whim I would be." He poured more of the liquid fire down his gullet while her eyes narrowed.  
" **What stupid whims?** " Her voice took on a hint of the earlier huskiness and Zoro felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. Clearly she was just a little insulted.  
"You threatened stick a ghost in me once just to go through your room looking for bugs," he returned her irritation with his own. "All I found were two crickets."  
"I thought they were cockroaches!" Perona exclaimed, perhaps convinced that was the end of that argument.  
"Then you made me do the laundry for a few months until Hawk-Eyes caught you."  
"Feh," she threw the straw onto the bar and downed the rest of her drink. "So what? I'd never washed clothes before, I had no clue what to do, you did. No problem as far as I can tell." His eyebrow twitched at that.  
"The _shopping trips_ ," his voice was practically dripping hostility with the mention of that one. In reply she simply smirked.  
"I'm a tiny woman, do you expect me to carry my own bag?" with this she grinned and grabbed for the open bottle of rum. He held the bottom while she tugged at the neck. "Plus the monkeys weren't trained yet… give me the bottle."  
"Buy your own damn booze." One of the ghosts floated up with a giggle and he gave it a withering glare. It responded with its long tongue. "Tch," he clicked his teeth and let go.  
"Horohorohorohoro," she cackled as she filled her larger glass with the fiery potion, handing it back to him when she was done. "Besides you got two years with an unbelievably cute girl acting as your nursemaid, I'd say we're about even."  
"Unbelievable is about right." He bit back before sucking down the rest of his glass and refilling. She shot him a glare and drained a fifth of her own. "The cooking?"  
"Your shoulder," she held up one hand. "Four times!"  
"Mushrooms!" He downed his drink in one go.  
"Monkeys!" She matched his pace and nearly made it to the end of her measure.  
"Sewing needles!" He was just shouting various bad memories at her now while steadily refilling his glass of poison.  
"The cellar!" Finishing her own she swiped the bottle back. It was one thing that had always impressed him about her. She wasn't a lush like a certain orange-haired navigator but for someone who barely reached his shoulders out of heels, she could hold a surprising amount of drink.  
"My eye!" Her hand twitched right before the rum began to spill and her face was a picture of shock with a touch of guilt. In turn he almost felt bad for bringing it out.  
"I…" hand shaking she poured half a measure of the dark spirit, having probably reached her limit for copious drinking. "…I thanked you then." She whispered back quietly before turning away, hollows racing to circle her head in an attempt to comfort her perhaps. He sighed, now he did feel a little guilty, especially remembering the sight of her as he'd come to that day - one side permanently dark…  
"Yeah," he wouldn't apologise, that wasn't how they worked. "You did."  
She turned back to him with an unreadable expression. It was this facet of their relationship he hated; he could take the combative conversation, he could take the awkwardness that came of knowing this woman even better and somehow less than his own crew. The tension that came in the lulls between them though was hell, especially when he knew it would either signal a fight or…  
"Zoro-" she started as the pub doors slammed open for the third time in three short hours.  
"WHERE THE FUCK IS THE UGLY, PINK SLAG WHO 'UMILIATED MY LITTLE BROTHER!" the man who'd barged in bellowed.  
Zoro saw one immaculate pink eyebrow twitch with fury and her eyes suddenly looked a lot less like those of a doll and more like something you'd see right before a giant terror overturned your ship. He quickly turned back to his drink and ignored the walking dead man. _Oh boy_.  
" _Slag_?" her voice was dripping with sweet venom. _Oh boy_. "Which _pink_ slag would you be talking about, _sir_?" Zoro cringed, emptied his glass and reached for the bottle. Eager to ignore the coming hubbub he decided to forgo his glass and began drinking straight from the neck.  
"You're the one then?" The giant man gave her a leer. "Well you ain't ugly leastwise, eh? _Bitch_." The swordsman heard the strange popping noise that indicated the birth of new hollows and the elder Chatwin seemed to notice them too. "An ability user eh? Fahahaha! Try it! What are those puny things even good for?"  
"They're for taking out the trash," Perona calmly retorted. " _Mini Hollow!_ "  
"Wha-" the thug was clearly confused by the little ghosts sticking to him in a way he couldn't remove.  
" _Rap_." Three clicks followed that word and a trio of explosions sent the giant back through the swinging doors he'd burst through in the first place. Her clomping footsteps followed him outside and came to a brief stop when he rose from the dust, clearly not much affected by the shockwaves.  
"You smug little bint!" Chatwin's gigantic hands reached for her throat as she sighed. Nonplussed by his threat as he fell to his knees before her.  
"Negative Hollow," she drawled in a rather bored tone, affected for the purposes of further demoralising her headstrong attacker. She was actually mildly impressed by the manner in which he hadn't immediately succumbed to her power. It proved he was quite capable with his Haki, _but_ , she thought to herself and allowed the condescending sneer to show on her face, _I have ways of working around that._  
"I'm garbage," he whimpered, arms still somewhat outstretched. "Pure human rubbish."  
"Yes, yes," Perona muttered as she moved his left arm out he way with her parasol. "We are utterly in agreement there. _The worst_."  
He nodded. "The worst." His hands hit the deck and she pranced quickly down the steps and into the street. He was going to come hard and fast once he recovered, without the grace of Haki or superhuman strength she was forced to rely on her Devil Fruit. _Its a good thing I know I'm unbeatable then._ She stopped, spun and faced her opponent, now starting to shake off the negativity. He turned and snarled at her, now furious beyond words. _Good_. She sneered at him again and he roared and charged even faster than she'd expected of him.  
Her hand came up in a finger-gun and she laughed. _I've seen faster._ "Horohorohoro- _Hollow Point_!" A tiny spectre fired from her finger at bullet speed and hit Chatwin in the chest. He stumbled and tumbled and continued accelerating, no longer touching the ground. She moved quickly; slinging her parasol around one of his legs and slung his now weightless form towards the nearby church steeple. Weight may not have been a factor, but mass and acceleration came together to smash him with sufficient force to cause the bell to ring and the brick to crack… then her spell faded and he tumbled back to earth from three stories up.  
He rose, swaying to and fro with the grogginess caused by her power and the subsequent dizzying freefall. "D-d'you zzink thaffs en'ff te keep me down?"  
"Probably not." She opened up her parasol, spinning it a few times against her shoulder. "But I was having a nice time you know? There was even a cozy little atmosphere developing." Raising a hand to her lips and blushing on cue. The spectators, and there were quite a few of them, all looked slightly uncomfortable at the way she was acting in the middle of what was ostensibly a duel. "…and then you had to go and ruin it. So I wanted to play with you for a bit. But I'm bored… and _furious_. So I'll be getting serious right about now. **Understand you slimy little toad?**." Her tone had changed and a few of the older spectators began to sidle away as fast as they could. If a man being thrown into the church by a giggling girl was playing, they didn't want to be around for serious. The married men in the audience were a lot less subtle about running away. That particular tone of voice never ended in happiness.  
Chatwin senior roared again, shaking off his grogginess and facing the slip of a woman standing in the road. "You cunt," he sneered at her, wheezing a chuckle when her eyes widened. "I'm gonna break your arms first."  
" _…right. Arms first then_?" she pointed on hand in his direction. " _SPECIAL HOLLOW!_ "

* * *

Zoro's ears twitched at the loud declaration.  
"Oi, ossan?"  
"Hmm?"  
"How much do those windows cost?"  
"…why?"

* * *

"WHAT THE FUCK!"  
Two quite gigantic ghosts had bitten his arms to the elbow. It hadn't hurt, nor was there any sensation actually. But he couldn't remove them, even flexing his Armament Haki achieved little. When he turned back to the pink woman she was grinning at him - hard eyes and canines showing. Her hand raised a little and his feet left the ground.  
"WHAT!"  
"Slag."  
"THE!"  
"Bitch."  
"FUCKING!"  
" _Cunt_."  
"FUCK!"  
"Thats four horrible things you've called me since we met mere minutes ago." She tutted, making a mockery of his fury. "If you were a boy I'd wash your mouth out with soap."  
"Try it you little skank!" he tried to kick out at her head and missed as she swayed backwards.  
"And there's number 5." She looked at him and for a brief moment his swagger faltered. "So five it is then." He began floating higher and three more great grey ghosts materialised beside their master and flew up to join him.  
"What the hell is this?!" One of the things chomped over his head and the other took his legs. He could barely see through the opalescent form of the hollow, but his bare chest was now feeling quite chilly.  
From the ground Perona figured she'd raised him high enough. 100 metres was a long way to fall, and he'd probably be going higher in a moment anyway. She pressed her fingers together.  
" _Rap!_ " she shouted, initiating the spell and snapping her fingers in quick succession.  
The resulting explosion was nearly deafening, the shockwave of it smashing against the ground, sending her hair and skirts a-billowing. It rattled every building in the street and burst all the windows facing the main thoroughfare. Inside the bar some of the wilier patrons, as well as the few who'd been eavesdropping on the great ' _Pirate Hunter_ ' himself, had quickly dived out of the way when the shock came and turned the glass panes into shards. _Thankfully_ , Zoro thought as he watched the bottles opposite him rattle, _that wasn't as strong as I was expecting_.  
There was a soft grunt and a loud thud as the outlaw hit the dirt. Bruised and mumbling incoherently, he began twitching on the ground - struggling to get his arms underneath his bulk and right himself.  
"Ye zink… wawa nu." He sputtered, beginning to rise. "Bubber mer veel harta, ye ssssss-GUH!" A steel toe smashing into his temple shut him up for good. The pinkette frowned at the blood on her new black boot, and spat on the horrendous unconscious creature before spinning and marching back to the pub, she stopped at the bottom step, aware that everyone else was staring at her.  
"WHAT?"  
The townsfolk all shrunk back a step.  
"Haaa…" she sighed, _Damage control Perona._ "Wanted man right?" she pointed her thumb over her shoulder at the broken lump laid out in the street.  
They all nodded.  
"Tie him up and you can use the reward on the windows. Or whatever." She turned back to the pub, still a little tense and in need of some relaxing. "I don't care."  
Her green-haired drinking companion turned and raised an eyebrow as she walked to the bar. She held out a hand for the bottle.  
"Tch," he clicked his teeth. "Here." She swiped the bottle and drained the last quarter of it in one gulp.  
"Barkeep!" The old man, now a little warier of her after the display outside, turned towards her. "How much for the windows and a room?" she paused in thought. "And two more bottles of this?"  
He swallowed and his eyes darted around a bit, resting on the door she'd blown Chatwin ' _The Crusher_ ' Tommas out of, and his useless form beyond them, now being chained up by some nervous locals. "…on the house."  
Her eyes narrowed and he nearly broke into a cold sweat until she smiled sweetly at him and threw a wad of Berri on the counter. "Unlocked?" He nodded dumbly. " _Goodie_! Zoro, grab the bottles," she paused for a moment before disappearing up the narrow staircase. " **Don't make me wait.** " The grin that followed sent a shiver up his spine.  
Two small thuds alerted him to the old man setting the bottles beside him. The bartender opened his mouth.  
"G-"  
"Not a word ossan." The young First Mate of the Pirate King swallowed and grabbed the bottles before ascending to whatever terrifying activity the pink-haired witch had planned for him.


End file.
